tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54008830035860711652024-02-08T13:43:49.171+08:00from a rooftopMeannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-7802755165911324182017-05-04T19:26:00.001+08:002017-05-04T19:29:13.214+08:00Ownership<h1 class="quoteText" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">
I can't deny the fact that i gained most of my happiness and fulfillment from owning something. Be it materialistic or spiritually. The sense of satisfaction and security may last from a few seconds to even up to a few years.... the feeling of being safe and secure. And that you're not the odd one out.</h1>
Individualistic. Never been and never will be. For me. Always being one of the crowd. Feeling safe. Feeling understood.<br />
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It's strange. I've slowly come to accept that ... indeed... everyday and every seconds that passes by will be a deduction to my pool of existence. I have not yet hit the so called mid-life crises whereby i would freak out and do things totally out of my character. And i have not changed my perspective and fears. I am just simply doing nothing, living today as i would yesterday.<br />
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But i feel restless. I am not motivated to do anything as of late, but at the back of my mind, I am afraid. I am afraid of regrets. There are nights when i lay down wide awake, mentally running through the pasts. And i know... i only regret the things i never do. And i wonder, how soon will i drown in my self inflicted mountain of woes... of not trying... of not trying enough.<br />
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Maybe the fear of the failing is holding me back. Or simply knowing that nothing is ever going to be as expected. A different path just means a different experiences along the way... they may be better or worse... and i am afraid of the later. What could be worse... i am not sure. But i hate to be judged. Even though i am doing exactly that.<br />
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I don't ever want to be alone.. or... forgotten. I want to own people's affection, have relief in playing a small part in people's lives... families... friends... pets even...<br />
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But no one is prepared to not expect anything back from giving affection. I am neither religious nor a saint. Once I've invested on something, I want something back... anything... anything is better than nothing. Life feels fuller that way. Like a closed circle. No hanging loose ends.<br />
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But the thing with a closed loop is.. that it keeps going round and round... i will want more and more... like it's never ending. I am not even sure if there is a end to desire.<br />
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What you own ends up owning you.<br />
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To let go... does not equal you lose.... but you actually gain... you gain back your freedom.Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-44668629216496119382017-03-31T20:08:00.002+08:002017-03-31T20:09:25.565+08:00三月<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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三月 -- 雨纷纷。三月 -- 断人肠。<br />
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亲爱的人,生病了。是心理的病,更导致身体严重受损。<br />
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这病,恐怕会伴随她一辈子。我们能帮的,或许现在能保住她身体,但是,她需要极度的毅力和坚强,去克服她内心的恐惧。。。<br />
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因为,有一天,她还要自己站起来,勇敢说,我不会败给这病,我要健康的活下去。。。我会让自己快乐起来。。。 还有很多我想尝试的事情, 还有很多我想看的景观,还有很多我想说的,做的,吃的,喝的,玩的,爱的。。。很多很多。。。 虽然她现在不是这么想。。。 但是,我不想放弃希望,有一天,她会恢复健康起来的,她会有力气打我,有能力笑起来, 有勇气创造她自己的健康人生。<br />
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想着想着,不自觉又难过起来。。。 古人说,悲痛莫大于生离死别。。。 看到身边致亲的人病了,何等的难过。。。跑了几趟医院,看到无数的人们都在与病魔抗战,生心焦脆。。。 医院里的大家,心里似乎都明白了,明白什么是最重要的-- 健康的身与心。失去这个,你就什么都没有了。。。<br />
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能让自己快乐起来,是多么的难得。能让身边的人笑起来,是多么的可贵。这看似简单的道理,现在对她来说,是多么不可能。。。她的世界有多灰暗。。。 我不敢想,只希望她不要放弃,千万不要放弃,要抗拒病魔,让自己走出来。<br />
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爱。。。让生命有意义。 爱。。。也让生命有牵挂。我的心。。。这一阵阵的痛,不就是因为有爱吗?<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-53981381237270770482016-10-09T22:59:00.000+08:002016-10-09T23:03:08.875+08:00长大。。。需要明白的东西。。。上个月我辞职了。没有下一步,没有另一份工作等着我, 没有想法,就这样。。。我辞职了。<br />
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我又发疯了吗?为什么?我承认我是自私的,没有任何约束和责任需要我承担。纯粹就要停下来,站在原地,坐下,躺着,就这样。不想,不看,不听,不要。。。<br />
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当然,我最终还是会要站起来,向前走。 我是要养活我自己的。<br />
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我不小,可以说是大龄了,三十三,我。。。三十三岁了吗?这代表什么,我不知道我应该是怎样才算是合格的三十三,我的想法,不安,挣扎。。。一直从我懂事以来没有改变过。岁月留下的只是回忆和经历。或许我从经验里学会做更明确的选择,减少会让自己难受的事。但是我不觉得我是个“大人”,而是变得更小心翼翼,感觉像是个大孩子,两只手把现有的东西捉得紧紧的,不愿失去,但也不再可以去捕捉新的东西。<br />
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我害怕,我本来就是非常胆怯,小时害怕自己上厕所,大时害怕自己吃晚餐,现在害怕面对未来。。。<br />
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看看周围的人,每个人都很勇敢在生活,当生活不如意时,就咬齿牙根去面对。每个人心中都有个或大或小的梦想,都得一步一步努力耕耘,没有所谓的不劳而获。这我明百。<br />
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或许这三十三年里,我理解到现实不会是完美的。我不完美,但我却是个可恶的理想龟毛者,加上一颗玻璃心,很多时候处于不满状态里,很多事情看不开,放不下。。。 三十三年,确实有点心累。<br />
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朋友说我内心戏很重。哈哈。。。 对。重得我都无感了。<br />
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我不想长大。我看我就是这个款了。但是我不能逃避,未来即将面对的事情还是会来临的。我不知道我会不会过得去,我会怕,会哭,会很无助。。。但是,我明白我必须面对的。<br />
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这或许就是,长大。。。需要明白的东西。。。Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-70375445241125667522016-04-10T23:40:00.000+08:002016-04-10T23:40:39.371+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">哪怕停留的时间短暂,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">离别总有几分怅然。</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">你问我那是怎样的思绪,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">我想说这是,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, 'Microsoft YaHei'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; text-align: start;">岁月消逝和渐觉空无的喜悦与忧伤。</span></div>
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-91121784401539882702015-12-04T23:45:00.001+08:002015-12-04T23:45:26.176+08:00姐妹<div dir="ltr" style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Hiragino Sans GB', 'Microsoft YaHei', 微软雅黑, tahoma, arial, simsun, 宋体; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: 10px; padding: 0px;">
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<span style="background-color: white;">网上看到的一段文。。。 真美好。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">发小。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">随口说起来是个普普通通的词,不过就是从小一起长大的好朋友。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">可是仔细想想,才会发现这有多么不容易。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">能够从小一起长大,这需要多少缘分。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">能在长大这样漫长的过程中同步改变,这需要多少巧合。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">能在飞逝的时光中始终要好,这又有多么难得。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">有多少曾经近在身旁的人,走着走着,就变了模样,松开了紧握的手,切断联系,去了不同的方向。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">一路走来,更常见的是不停来来去去的人,都是路过,只能分享生命的一瞬。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">多少人能一直旁观你的人生?参与你每一个重要的时刻?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">经历过时光洗礼的人们,在一起,何其幸运。</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></div>
Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-76129243274907897742015-10-04T19:36:00.002+08:002015-10-04T19:36:46.207+08:00过客<div style="text-align: left;">
还有三个月就到年尾了。2015, 是这样就要结束了吗?时间真的过的太无情,太快了。回首一看,你今年过得好吗?你有疯狂大笑,狼狈抓狂,或者默默努力坚持地过好每一天吗?</div>
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最近,公司里太多人辞职了。让我真的觉得有点茫然。过往的同学们,同事们,就像是我生命中的过客。我们偶然的相遇了,彼此在对方的生活中留下或多或少的印象。我的世界因为相遇的人们变得更有内容。。。 真的,不煽情,我的选择,我的经历,真的有大部分是受他人的影响。<br />
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我不是一个从小就知道自己要成为怎么样的人。。。 我一路走来,就是潜意识的吸收了过客们的言语。。。就如有位男孩分享过他对动画的热情。。。 让我觉得动画很有趣呀。。。就愤然跳进这火海了。。。 好神奇呀。<br />
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当然。。。 这过程还是需要勇气的。我失去的,拥有的,都会是我个人独特的感受。<br />
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With age comes wisdom...<br />
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时间和经历会让你长智慧。时间会让人把不愉快的过程淡忘,留下美好的片段。<br />
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如果生命是一个减数。。。 你会更珍惜当下吗?把芝麻繁琐负面的都看淡,选择微笑迎接每一天。尽量正面思考, 因为真的没必要再和自己过不去。毕竟,你的难过还得自己来感受, 这又不会改变任何结局。<br />
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如果有想去做的事情,当然不是什么伤天害理的。。。 就去实现吧。就算是非常卑微,可笑的小事。。。 就算是半途而废。。。 就算到头来觉得非常愚蠢。。。 它都是珍贵的经历。<br />
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因为。。。 我不能把时间缓慢,停止。而我只能把时间转换成美好的回忆, 储蓄在我脑海里。<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-17293332568022532212015-09-07T16:30:00.003+08:002015-09-07T16:30:32.654+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: aliceblue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness. <i>–Andy Rooney</i></span>Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-26572963056509306202014-11-03T21:11:00.001+08:002014-11-03T21:14:31.598+08:00白发前额头发长了一撮白发。。。放工后 就到印度店买了黑发染发剂。回家时非常勤奋就把粉末搅拌好,一手沾上白发处。心想不就很简单吗。怪自喜的。<br />
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看着还有剩下一大部分的燃料没用完, 就得很浪费, 就把一大撮泼在眉毛上,像两条大毛毛虫。很可爱嘛。<br />
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但是果然事情发展的太顺利了。。。 当我在清理时才发现我这只大蠢猪竟然忘了带手套, 双手这时已经被染料熏得黑了,怎么洗也洗不掉。哇!!! 还有我的眉毛呢??!!! 慌手慌脚把水猛泼脸。。。 擦呀擦呀。。。 呜呜呜。。。<br />
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此刻在想,明天要请假吗?一双黑手也就算了。。。 但是。。 。 这张蜡笔小新的脸。。。<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-44218701625425792272014-08-14T01:18:00.002+08:002014-08-14T01:19:21.141+08:00someone's leaving...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-41119961874538129532014-07-30T00:43:00.000+08:002014-07-30T00:43:45.884+08:00我。。。还好吗?很久没留言了。渐渐的,对很多事物都失去了兴趣。日子还是每一天一天的过,只是。。。少了些什么的。。 。完全没劲。<br />
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不想这样。不想花二十分钟读一页小说,然后再把书丢一边。不想进戏院看一部戏时, 不能专注,老恍神。不想旅行时,还闷闷不乐。不想说话开始时兴致勃勃,接着就不想说了。<br />
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就像这篇文。。。现在,也不知道如何继续写下去。<br />
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韩国。。。去了一趟。开始完全是因为妈妈想去,也没想太多。。。 然后在那走着,看着,竟回想起迷上韩剧的日子。啊啊啊。。。尤其是爬 Hallasan 时狼狈不堪, 迷失在一片大雾中,竟想起金三顺。。。她也是边破口大骂边拖着笨重的身子爬上来的。。。 分别只是。。。 她有三石帅哥在朦胧大雾中等着她呀。。。 *噗。。。不爽*<br />
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虽然这趟旅行让我身心交瘁(具体理由就不说了),但是让我从新体验回在另一个国度旅行的美好, 听着完全不懂的语言,看着完全陌生的文字,吃着异国的味道,闻着是乎不一样的空气。。。拥有着阳光的一天,毫无目的的闲逛,用眼睛记下身边的事物,用心体会每一份感觉。。。 看似简单,却是奢侈的幸福。<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-68344617317402761712014-06-04T22:00:00.003+08:002014-06-04T22:00:59.702+08:00ordinary days, extraordinary peoplethe week was brutal. i was tired and frustrated from work. i booked the wrong flight for my friend. i nearly ran my dear car onto a roundabout. i also offered a lift home for two strangers whose car broke down by the traffic light... at one thirty... in the morning.<br />
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i could have been dead. but i am not. so i am grateful. grateful and tired.<br />
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and in the midst of all... i turned the big 31. i feel alright. maybe too exhausted to feel anything actually. but i am actually oh so lucky. and i am smiling this time.<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-65407253949252534302014-05-11T22:41:00.000+08:002014-05-11T22:41:32.513+08:00my favourite random things<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A picture is worth a thousand words. or... you're just too lazy to write. :)<br />
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not much of an avid photographer myself... and even worse when it comes to uploading and sharing. but i made an effort here... didn't i? hahahha... you can tell that 80 percent of the pictures are taken deliberately just to be showcased here.<br />
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but in all vanity and conceitedness... the week has been good to me. although there will be storms ahead... we shall have to brave ourselves and not be overwhelmed by it... we'll try, at least. :)Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-86563597656257835982014-05-04T15:56:00.000+08:002014-05-04T15:56:42.497+08:00empty nightstonight is the night... where all dogs sleep, children dream, and i stay awake. it's a shame, i could use some of this clarity during the day. but now i spent my best hours staring into a monitor, splurging on retail therapy online.<br />
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i will feel very bad after this i am sure of it, but i just couldn't refrain myself. sometimes when things are going bad, i dig deeper down. ah well... enough of whining and self pitying. tonight i am letting loose.<br />
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isn't it crazy we're approaching the middle of year 2014? it seems just like yesterday when i complained about 2014 creeping up on us. some people may have gone through a whole lot, some may even have life changing experiences... i did not. but it's all good. these days i can't take changes or "surprises" very well. but i hope i do work on some bits and pieces before the year ends... now i just have to work up some willpower. easier said then done.<br />
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and maybe start writing something more substantial. all these random ramblings are not exactly positive... oh don't you just hate this word? positive? :)<br />
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i am not counting down to anything, and i need to start.... "looking forward" to something now. to a person who is not naturally enthusiastic, this will be a constant effort. a note to myself... "try to enjoy the journey now darling."Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-88749428884033204232014-04-13T23:25:00.000+08:002014-04-13T23:25:03.941+08:00addictionit's undeniable. i'm addicted. to Chatime... amongst all vices. *sigh* my head starts to swirl if i haven't had it for more than 2 days. even on weekends, when i'm having more than enough sleep and distance away from work, my mood starts to sink after having breakfast/lunch and started craving for it... so badly that i can't concentrate and blames my mood swings and laziness on not having my fix.<br />
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but it does work. i become more emotionally stable after having my first sip. oh gawd... even the thought and decision to give in puts me in a better state of mind.<br />
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but... i will not deny myself of this little pleasure now. we all know there are worse things to be addicted to. so what if i've had my milk tea fix almost everyday this week? hahahaha.... everyone grows out of it right? right?<br />
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Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-26835486735028198692014-03-24T00:45:00.002+08:002014-03-24T00:45:54.188+08:00a break<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love waking up late and staying in bed, even in a foreign land where there's much to do and explore. indeed i am wasting time by not taking full advantage of any circumstances, always. but that's the best bit, for me. </div>
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lately, day passes so fast that i feel i am not ever going to catch up, with life. is it better to just let the waves wash me further away, because it certainly feels less exhausting, to swim back to the "present".</div>
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lack of motivation, inspiration... and reason. everything is slow in my mind, except time.</div>
Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-6263367218449969782014-01-25T00:51:00.001+08:002014-01-25T00:58:19.603+08:00onesie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Bought them the onesies from Aus trip. One hello kitty in pink, one hello kitty in leopard print, and one purple dragon. They adored the onesies... just that now they have to find an occasion to wear them. pyjamas party??!!! anyone? :)</div>
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made them dance as well. kids... they are adorable... until they start to speak.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/MfDb-ZlecjY" width="420"></iframe>Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-46033834795544505492014-01-21T21:36:00.001+08:002014-01-21T21:36:02.594+08:00reintroducing... the girls...I created this blog for them a few years back. thought it would be a cool idea for them to start recording and sharing their thoughts... proud-aunt-syndrome :) the elder sister wrote three posts (under supervision and perhaps.. pressure) and then swiftly move on to abandon the blog completely.<br />
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lately the younger sister found out about this much celebrated blog and wanted to have her own blog instead. i have persuaded her to write something <a href="http://qingandting.blogspot.com/">here</a> because i am lazy to set up another blog just to have her abandon it as well after three posts. the Ling family seems to have this<i> hangat-hangat tahi ayam </i>urge.<br />
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hence... this shameless plug. please do leave some comments whenever and if ever they do write something half comprehensible. :) here you go.... <a href="http://qingandting.blogspot.com/">pink princess(es)</a><br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-46983700681097569302014-01-08T23:57:00.001+08:002014-01-09T00:07:05.044+08:00New yearI went on a family trip down under for the turn of the year. Australia. It was the first "BIG" foreign country that i remembered when i was a kid just because we have relatives from there. it took 30 years for me... to finally visit this country that i so desperately wanted to go when i was ten. but as the time passes, a lot of excitements are lost and imaginations faded, and i have no expectations nor special feelings this time around. it has reduced to a certain filial duty family trip and just-another-place to be for the new year countdown. and we all know how miserable it has become to spend the much overrated day at home. at least how miserable i made it to be for my own.<br />
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the eleven days were very much filled with drama. a trip with family started out being cordial and polite, then someone said something and someone disagrees and someone starting yelling. to my surprise, hostility started firing on the second day afternoon. that is indeed record breaking. 48 hours... is the limit that we can be nice to each other now while travelling.<br />
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among the shoutings and absolute indifference... i manage to do a few things that i insist on doing much to my family's horror. my favourites were the surf lesson off ocean grove, watching "philomena" in an art house cinema that oddly still practices free seating plan, walking among the city and gardens aimlessly... well... arrgghh... and there are also other less favourite moments when i got lost in some dodgy streets with my mom breathing down my neck, having to queue for every cable car rail car tram car visiting scenic world, having stuck in human jam and have to walk across the harbour bridge to get to another train station on new year....<br />
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but all in all... australia is just beautiful. i am in love with the beach at Apollo bay. if you love nature at all... you will love australia. just remember to bring a shaded sunglasses next time. i nearly fell blind from the piercing brightness there.<br />
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i didn't take much pictures and all these are from my new iphone camera. these capture the moments that i hope i shall remember for some time. i have to say all these photos are from Melbourne and the beaches off the great ocean road except for the sydney opera house and the contemporary art museum.<br />
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i have deliberately left out some details, monologues, frustrations, realization throughout this trip just because i am lazy. :) but then, i have to say the beaches off st kilda is an absolute Thor-fest and fly-fest. while i was going gaga over clean shaven half naked six packs, i actually caught a fly in my mouth. beautiful bodies and flies... they are in-your-face... just make sure you go there during the summer. :)Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-70067337338548129522013-12-18T22:57:00.000+08:002013-12-18T22:58:48.876+08:00nostalgiaDecember. My favourite month. Got off work early to go into the capital for a dinner and christmas gift shopping.<br />
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I didn't expect to feel like this. like.... having a part of you taken away. no pain, no warning, just slowly... gradually... feeling the emptiness... and missing something... something you can't even identify. i know i am melodramatic. just... i wasn't prepared to feel it tonight.<br />
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an old friend. a mere one hour quick catch up over dinner. talking as if we have just spoke yesterday but only to realise... it has been five years. and we seemed the same. just that he stuck it out at his first job and has since done well until today, got hitched with the love of his life, became a father to a healthily "large" boy named after the sexiest man alive. and me... barely hanging on my third job, "figuring-life", and .... just... keep on "figuring" really....<br />
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it feels as if nothing has changed. but yet so much has changed. we weren't even close. but we don't need to share the deepest secrets to have a good laugh over nothing. it happened just like it always does. cynical laughter. banter. thrown in some half-hearted encouragement.<br />
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then it hit me. when we parted on the sidewalk to some very crowded restaurants... here he is... saying goodbye and about to leave to catch his flight at ten. and i suddenly felt... a pang of sadness... just slapping me across the face.<br />
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it's not him. obviously. we were barely in each other's life to speak of. and catching up over once every five years is not enough to break my heart really. just... i don't know.... he is an old friend back from the days... the Uni days... which are so... soooo... sooooooo... distant that i could hardly remember. but it is some big part of my life... some five years of my life... that consciously and subconsciously shaped me.<br />
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i was fresh, naive (still is) and had a bad sense of fashion. oh well, maybe still is. i think. and standing on that pavement tonight, i felt sick. i felt... time-sick. i felt that meeting this old friend of mine... just brings me back to rewind all those five years before, in between and after. and looking at life....generally... happening through time.<br />
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as i walk away to "figure" what christmas gift to buy... i carry this unexpected melancholy... i could only hope... when we meet again in five years time, i would be in a better state of mind. for you could wish nothing more for a friend. to be happy and loved.<br />
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December. always tainted with a slight nostalgia. nevertheless... still my favourite month.Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-82970853355640685312013-11-19T00:26:00.002+08:002013-11-19T00:26:29.917+08:00i'm feeling....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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like this...<br />
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cause and effect. all the yes'es and no's and don't know's that have led me to where i am and feel right now...<br />
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alas... with tired eyes, mushy brain, and sagging mouth, let's face another day.Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-17693224249516459482013-10-15T23:15:00.002+08:002013-10-15T23:15:46.534+08:00kindnessdo you remember when is the last kind act that strangers have bestowed on you? it could be a smile. or a helpful customer service over the phone. or a simple comfort when you're in distress.<br />
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i have lost the spontaneous kindness in me. i judge. i doubt. i question people's motives. life is very different for me now. it's shadowed by goals. achievements. and disappointments when you don't have that. you forget. you forget to smile. to be thankful for the littlest things. to help others even in the smallest gestures.<br />
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life is unfair in many ways. and i am privileged. now... don't forget. don't forget to be kind. because it could just make a man's day in life that much bearable. and we all know how hard some days can be.<br />
<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-31432789000349833892013-10-06T21:29:00.001+08:002013-10-06T21:30:35.928+08:00days are long, years are short还有三个月就到年底了。人老了些,似有似无地,长了些,又短了些。想想自己。。。 嗯,没意思。<br />
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继续,继续,继续,除了继续,还是继续。谈不上是累了,还是萌了。。。 就是,别想了。<br />
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大家。。。都加油吧。Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-65523374438583031942013-09-20T23:16:00.002+08:002013-09-20T23:16:18.869+08:00after the dinnerAfter a wedding dinner, in the car, on the drive back....<br />
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little nephew out of the blue, put his hands together... closed his eyes... and said...<br />
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" thank god for letting us go dinner.... thank god for eating full..."<br />
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*awkward silence*<br />
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"where did he learn that from?" splurt the father.<br />
<br />
"from the kindergarten." explained the mom.<br />
<br />
"...." the grandpa<br />
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and then the boy went ....<br />
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"when you're happy and you know it~~~ say AMEN!~~~ AMEN~~”Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-48895657653763113272013-09-10T23:57:00.000+08:002013-09-10T23:57:00.690+08:00a glass housei love this place. this house. i wonder if there will be a chance... when you can build you own house. and build a life with it.<br />
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it's a bit cold. a bit rusty. and a bit too basic. but then. it's perfect. one day. maybe i will build the perfect house and create a home for myself. :)Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5400883003586071165.post-64424974301738378572013-08-28T22:07:00.000+08:002013-08-28T22:07:01.029+08:00a breakwhile the pup and his parents are infested with ticks... going to apply frontline to them sometime this week. :( i am looking forward to this long weekend. without a say the days will just fly when it's off work. but it's going to be a good month.<br />
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friends are all yearning for a loooong break, just a monday off wouldn't be enough but it is what it is. how i wish i could be a baby again with no worries and expectations. :) now.. some panda luv!!!!<br />
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<br />Meannieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17236865598009572653noreply@blogger.com0