The girls had drawn these for me last year. they were just drawings. nothing to brag about. but yes, little girls love to draw. they draw what they know, what they like, what they love. and i was on their mind when they drew these. :) reminds me of the excerpt "The little prince and the fox" of the infamous children book Le petite prince (thanks jean). About the story of being responsible for what you've tamed...



"It was then that the fox told him his secret:

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"You become responsible , forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

it is important... for me... to block out some voices sometimes. voices that bring me down. they maybe the truth that i ought to accept. but do we really need to hear them? we know the truth. sometimes we might not be ready to accept it, but we know.

and being a sentimental girl i am, i am a weepy for soft sentimental songs. and this voice (Ivan & Aloysha) is just... lovely. :) anyways, american idol 2012 is ON!!!! can't wait!

as per every Tuesday, i dragged myself to yoga in the early morning. i am starting to dread these workout sessions and find myself making up excuses the night before every session. it is especially torturous when i only manage to fall asleep at three and have to wake up at six thirty in the morning.

staying at home full time jobless is suicidal. especially with a mom breathing down your neck constantly.

Nicole Kidman named her daughter Sunday because she stated that Sundays are when the family gathers and hence, always gives her a warm fuzzy feeling. for me, Sundays are nice when all the family members are out and i am all alone in the house.

i felt at last, i can walk around the house without my pants on and eat at odd hours and do whatever. but of course now i have to remember to feed the dogs.

but today, my Sunday peace is broken when mom came back from her weekly mahjong session, stormed into my room, and blabber non-stop. she then realised i was having my earphones on, promptly pull them off, and told me that she is embarrassed for some of her mahjong buddies found out that i was bumming at home and asked her why. and that she has also given my number to a son of her mahjong buddies. and she sternly warned me that if he decided to call i should talk to him and yada yada yada...

i felt really pissed for she has interrupted my peace of mind and that she gave my number away. who does she think she is??!!!

now i just have to get another number. i seriously don't give a f8ck.

went and met up with some friends in Puchong. Jo has been back in m'sia for a short break and will be leaving for Belgium end of this month to continue her phD.

i have to apologize to other friends because the whole session i have selfishly consumed Jo all by myself and endlessly chatted away. maybe because we shared similar experiences and once the topic about that particular university, course and people presented itself, we couldn't stop. and of course, no one else know who we were so eagerly discussing about and how certain classes with lecturers and tutors can be so... worth discussing the whole night.

from dealing with rude and cold treatment from the bureaucracy to meeting people and coping with the tough academic environment, it stirred up some old haunting memories.

it is all still fresh and ongoing for Jo's experiences but i could hardly recall the names now. there were new people whom i don't know, and old ones who has already left the department. it was afterall, events which happened more than 3.5 years ago. they somehow felt so strange and distant now. but yet when recounted, felt like yesterday.

i couldn't sleep after that mainly due to the coffee i took during the night. :) but also was pondering about this...

Jo told me that one of the lecturer i know from this absurbly impossible course "Computational solutions to Wave Equations" committed suicide shortly after i left. She is a transsexual. she or rather he used to be married to a lady also working in the same academic department and they have a son together. then he decided to change into... a woman and he left the wife and son. and he/she has a boyfriend afterwards, also working in the same department. (Dave is accountable for the validity of this story which he so dramatically narrated over too many glasses of wine on the last night of summer school.)

i had just thought she is a very tall and slender woman with a manly voice throughout the course. never really doubted she is indeed a he until someone reminded me about his adam's apple. i shall also forever remember her long nails with pink/red? nail polish spread out on the table when we had our 1 to 1 oral exam. traumatic times.

i hated that course. i hated her. i failed that course.

but she/he was a very capable and knowledgeable person, although not much so a good lecturer. we didn't talk. besides the part where she told me that i will probably fail the course and have to complete the project which i have not a clue in hell how ever am i going to do that.

i guess after all the things that she has gone through and people's perception, she didn't manage to find a true place where she belongs.

time passed. and in this case, she... passed on.

it is indeed a sad story. all these talk about the past, reminds me of this quote~



"In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone."

"It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush. It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from it."

- Michelle Williams on Heath ledger's death -

lately jean asked what songs have i been listening to. i paused to think, for now, i can't get enough of nina simone and stevie wonder. of course, i still love freddie mercury. :)

i could list a few songs which i would tirelessly click into when i load youtube, they are nina simone - just in time, micheal buble - stardust, stevie wonder - feeding off the love of the land among others.

as of this moment, my mind is blank listening to this


what are you guys listening to lately?