this was the second foreign film I've watched in the cinema. i think. the first was "Ponette". and a few of my unfortunate friends still hold me accountable for the "traumatic" experience.

recently, i've been exchanging and sharing some thoughts on foreign films with a colleague. and this movie popped up. i like the story, the settings and the music scores.

a beautiful piano score. "small happiness"

"let's meet before i leave."

"we will meet. i promise."

"i'll never see you again."

"never say never."

never say never. i don't know if it is just being optimistic, or it is something people say when they don't want to admit to the finality of things. because sometimes... never is... never.

there's always something better left unsaid. because saying them will not change a thing. because saying them will only show how hopeless the situation is. because saying them makes you cry. and sadness is useless.

is it so weak to show your tears? is your pride worth defending to not speak your mind? is it so feeble to say " i will miss you . i love you. and i don't want you to leave?" when you know that parting is inevitable... and words are futile.

affection comes and goes. life comes and goes. but as the earth shifts beneath you, the day passes you by, you do remember some words... and they meant something in that time and space.

just because they could have been left unsaid but they were not. they were spoken to mark the moment... and to signify an end.

it has reached a point in my life that i'm eating my own words.

it's not a good feeling. but then again. i am not the person i was before. and i am not going to be the same in let's say, a year later. well, i might not even be here.

so, push aside your pride, for you are only trying to learn and live and love. mistakes, blunders, failures... they are hard to face and plough through. but they will definitely not be something you are ashamed off when the time comes.

you see yourself in them, these so-called experiences, how naive you were, how convinced you were, how stupid, how young... you will never be the same.

but then as you look back. you always. always missed the way you were back then.

“敏仪，你可以陪我下楼吗？”

她现在会直接叫我的名字。

“嗯。好的。”

“你伤心吗？Bruce Ling 死了。”

“伤心。”

“你知道吗？我现在很像在做梦。”

“为什么呢？”

“因为我不想 Bruce Ling 死啊。”

“嗯。没事。你很快就不会伤心了。。。因为做梦过后就是醒来的时候了。”

梦。人生可以有许多梦。人生也像是一场梦。醒着，睡着， 醒着，睡着。。。

he was gone. unexpected. there were signs. there were sadness.

i've denied him the only thing he's ever wanted. and given a second chance, i'd still be incapable to... love.

but he was loved, just as he loved. and as people grow to forget him, she misses him, she wonders if he's ever coming back, she remembers him.