so far, this is what i have. there's so much more to do with the skin but i think i am just going to finish up the hair and hopefully get on to rigging it.

i *ashamed-ly* copied someone's eyeball texture.

5 more weeks to go... :(

weird but maybe interesting to some.

watch it full here (youtube) before it's gone.

today i skipped class and went back straight after lunch. and yes i am exhausted but most of all... frustrated.

i went back. took a shower. and attempted to sleep. it was a hot afternoon and i felt even more suffocated. the truth is, i am overwhelmed with the class, with the progress, or rather the lack of progress that i am facing.

maybe i am pushing myself too much. take a step back, relax, breath. but i did that. i went out for Battleship last weekend, met with friends @ mamak, fetch mom from the airport, went for dinner with relatives, had strawberry sundaes and watched a foreign film on the internet.

then i have a major Monday blue.

at the back of my mind, i am just thinking about my class. i had a rather smooth start, i was prepared mentally and with commendable enthusiasm, i try to complete each assignment. then half way through the course ( 1 month in and 1 month left), i was stripped of all motivation and energy. i couldn't focus on doing one task at a time. everything seems so difficult to comprehend. i started to hate MAYA and to be precise, i hate TEXTURING and SHADERS!!!

now i sound like an immature bitch. there's loads more lesson bumps that i will have to overcome in these coming weeks. it's only texturing this week, what about next week? and all these look even more hopeless under the lack-of guidance of our dear teacher.

 i feel like i am struggling to stay above the water for that pitiful gulp of air, and the waves of the sea are swallowing me down. i hate to sound so dramatic. i should probably erase this entire post and start from a more positive angle.

at times, I'd hope i have loads of comfort food within my arm's reach, or I'd wish for more time, or maybe just born with pure talent that doesn't require any hard work on my part... but today, i would only hope... for help.

the right kind of guidance, preferably spoon-feeding. god knows, i am hanging by a thread here, i feel prehistoric, as if my brain has been stoned and placed in my head just for show. and i have no idea how to start anew.

do i sound frustrated? or sad? i am not entirely sure. but i do know i am very, very, very dissatisfied with our dear teacher.

tomorrow's Friday. and i am glad.

my energy level is pretty low this week and i have difficulty completing little tasks. patience level is already in the reds as i would just just give up and waste more time beating myself up.

tired.

i woke up today with a feeling. i have read far too many times that this has happened on others. but although i tried to tell myself to appreciate/bersyukur life, even shamelessly promoting this value on the blog, i have never, really, walk the talk.

but this morning, i don't know if it's a sign, as in 2012, being the end of the world or whatnot(pardon my sarcasm), i open my eyes, before my body even gather the sense of waking up, the first thought ran over me... today is going to be a wonderful day.

it is bizarre. i have never been a true life believer, ever too cynical to throw the first line of negativity. but this... even i couldn't help chuckle a laugh at myself right after. really?

then as if i was possessed by some righteous force, i didn't drag myself out of bed, i even did my own laundry and manage to hang them all under the beautiful saturday sun before noon. all while wearing a rather decent expression. :)

wow. *applaud to myself* i don't know how long this sense of contentedness is going to last, but yes. as i was lying down listening to João gilberto and Dario Marianelli, as if for the first time, i was mesmerized by the formation of clouds just outside my window.

i didn't realise, as with the other million things happening in my life, that, i actually have a rather f8cking cool view just outside my window.

how jaded have i become over the years?

but nothing is too late until you're six feet under. right? :) 后知后觉 总好过 不知不觉 啊。

however, there's currently a major construction happening just opposite of the house, heavy machines bulldozing their way through for the construction of 3-story housing project. no doubt i will only have a few months left enjoying the view i was so ignorant of before.

i guess nothing really lasts, but the more important thing is to realise that nothing is permanent but still strive to make the most of it while you have the time. having said that, i hope i don't go mistreat my family members 5 minutes later.

p/s: i am feeling couscous now. anyone?

amy. sorely missed.

i have had several encounters with mcD which left me feeling cheated. first they left out a cheeseburger in my order during a drive-through (saujana impian outlet). second they gave me 3 sundae strawberries HALF full (LDP sunway toll outlet).

today, they gave me an apple pie half eaten up (sunway outlet).

i was late for meeting up with dayah and was quite hungry during the wait for the fried chicken order. so i figured an apple pie would quench the hunger for a wee bit.

after 10 minutes wait for the chicken, i dashed out of the shop with the food in my hand. on the LDP, i took out the apple pie and there it was... an apple pie with its mouth open, apple sauce dripping, laughing at me.

oh my... this apple pie has already been consumed by someone (ewww!) and sold as new to me!!!! i can't explain how mad i felt holding this particular disgusting half-pie in my hands. i thought of going back to the outlet and yell and shout like a demanding + bitchy customer but there was no turning back on the already congested LDP highway!

and i was so so so hungry. and then... and then... i took the pie, and ate it.

i don't know if the person who ate the first half of the pie has mouth disease or AIDs or even bad breath.... but i finished off the pie.

i know. this is not the best day of my life. i don't know if i should be commended for my bravery to brush aside possibly-fatal-disease by eating the pie OR my berskyukur attitude towards food.

EEEeewewwwww!!!!!

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

~ Steve Jobs, 2005 Standford Commencement Speech ~

For anyone who has not heard this remarkable speech. Here you go.