when you feel down...
when you think that's the end
just take a shit
and rock on!
Type.
11 years ago
we broke a vase, burned peanuts with candles, made fun of each other, laughed so hard... that i pee-ed my pants... literally. and you guys laughed even harder.
we didn't know each other well, we didn't care enough, but we know, those were good times. those were the best.
now, i am not my-ten-year-old-self , you are not your-ten-year-old-self, but i miss those five ten-year-olds. i miss us.
其实也没什么。不生气，但也不要哭泣。到不了，就别勉强了。
网上有人说：你以为你以为的就是你以为的吗？
哎。我还真以为我是我以为的啊。。。
可惜，我不是。
嗯。知道了。你也知道这路还得继续走下去。但是，要往那儿去？
it's a nice feeling when you've watched a good film that struck a chord with your heart, in this case, makes you feel good.
there's not much going on in the cinema lately, but i thought "Salmon fishing in the Yemen" was a good one. it was a drama about faith and love. not much action, besides some salmon swimming upstream. if you're up for a feel-good story, maybe this is your cup of tea.
the long weekend's nearing an end and this is what i need to constantly remind myself.
somedays... i wonder. what is it that i am missing? they say, you will always, always be missing something. be it a person, or food, or a drink, or a smoke, the weather, a feeling...
now, i feel like being the last person still lingering... clinging at a party where everyone else has moved on. it's not fun anymore, and it gets lonely.
i feel too much and want too much. nothing really tangible, just... just... feelings. all these romantic delusions... that i begged to explore, not wanting to be haunted by "what ifs", only to reach this state of anxiety... unfulfilled... such sourness.
there was never a safety net, at least not for the mind. the motivation was always having a "better place to go". now that too is gone, bubbles never last.
maybe it is better this way, to have exploited your youth, to squeeze dry all your chances, no more room for imagination and nonsense. maybe this is the answer, to all your doubts and questions... about yourself, in this space and time.
don't just look for the excitement, go for the experience, someone says. but let me linger for just a moment more. i too eventually, will leave this party...
i thought i would write again if i feel better. but i don't know when that will be, if it will be. so i try to look at what's in front of me, nothing too far off, not even tomorrow.
today there's a small package waiting for me when i came home. wrapped in tainted bubble envelope, is a book. i love receiving packages, even if i do buy them for myself. there's a certain joy of seeing it laying on the table, waiting for me to pick it up, unwrap it, then hold it.
alas, i am being all melancholy again. it was brief, like a gush of wind i was swept up in a moment, even feeling my heart skipped a beat... then... almost as unexpected as it came, the moment passes.
梦见了很多人。很乱。突然大学不怎么熟的同学出现了， 并且要和我另一个外国同学结婚。教堂里出现了许多路人甲路人乙， 他们都说是在路途上遇见的。面孔极熟悉，但我一时想不起来。可能是电视上看过吧。
然后我醒了。冒了冷汗。我顿时忘了自己在那里，在做什么， 该做什么。回过神来， 意识到自己该醒来了。心里感到无限的彷徨，惆怅。我不醒来，可以吗？
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