the laptop is sent to the workshop for check ups. i am pretty sure the fan is failing and maybe the harddisk as well. uurgh, life is even more disoriented without my lappie. reminds me of a post from K that a taiwanese married herself to her laptop.

didn't really have much to say except that year 2011 is ending and there's a wedding to attend on the second day of 2012. a good start? maybe not. lately i have been contemplating to sell off the dslr camera. i don't feel excited bringing it out for field trips due to it's huge baggage. and mainly because i have not been practising with the manual settings to capture any decent pictures. relying on auto settings is not attractive when the camera weights a ton. and the more i realise the limitation of a starter kit lens and its built in flash, the more i am put off to actually use it. i could be so jaded sometimes i don't have a clue what i am doing.

so back to the present, i just revisited some long forgotten pictures i took while vacationing with fei and theen. if i remember correctly, it was only 3 months after i bought the dslr and i was excited to bring it to the beach. and it was also during this trip i realise what a big commitment it is to take care of the dslr during stormy boat rides and how much pain it is to play with manual settings against cloudy weather.

but what a surprise, the pictures turn out much better than i remembered them. they weren't bad at all. :P okay some weren't bad at all. :)



so new year resolution. keep the camera. and try to capture something with it. it sure didn't fail me. it is just I who quit on the camera. let's see how many moments i can capture with it next year. :)


hot chicks alert!!! baby mama on the left already lost her figure last month to squirt out a baby boy. mrs on the right will probably lose hers next year.


a wide DOF (depth of field) with fairly sharp focus throughout the landscape.


nice portrait shot with shallow DOF (in this case fairly sharp focus on the subject but a blurred background.)


don't try to reason why we do the things we do. :) this is a low exposure shot. could've easily turn up the brightness with photoshop but the pirated software crashed.

lately i have been sharing the same space with them for-e-ver. i believe this was taken more than 3 years ago. but of course, now they still kick my butt...

昨天搞得好累哦。今天也就睡得翻天覆地，没理由说累了啰。

上个礼拜像是待在家里太长时间了，所以周末约了旧同事出去。搞到晚上再回加影和老朋友喝茶。嗯，“老朋友”。不就是中学同学。看长辈称他们的旧同学为“老朋友”，我看这是合适的了。虽然大家年龄才不到三十，但互相认识有些超过十年了，如果明天不幸人间消失，他们就是那些来会来参加你丧礼的人。合适，合适。。。 是叫“老朋友”的了。

说起这个吗，现在有点尴尬。大家都比以往忙得多，一半都出国了。就剩下两三只猫在加影。我，就是其中那两三只猫。OK。现在是礼拜晚上，睡了整天，精神了，想起了昨天大家喝茶一些话题，其中包括自己突然爆发的小插曲。该从何说起呢？

就说我们其中一位“老朋友”现在 missing in action。 不再参与聚会了。本来可以就这样算了，但是人本来就喜欢讨论各式话题，当聚集一块儿，就可热闹了。当然如果不是讨论到我的个人沦陷，我也就很乐意地在旁听，不时问个无关痛痒的问题，做个鬼脸，放空，看电视。。。

朋友嘛，十多年了，当然有好有坏的时候。从以前天真无邪混在一起玩，一起上课，到现在大家各自为自己的未来打拼。偶尔出来也是update最近的新闻，互相开玩笑，讲一些八卦。有时是很无聊，但是不比自己闷在家里无所事事来的无聊。说到底，大家还是蛮重视这段友谊，网上msn留言几句，一个月聚两次，虽然有时没话说，听听也是感觉舒服的，因大家都清楚大家的品性，不需要互相讨好，就算有时口出疯言，大家也就左耳进，右耳出。

就说回昨晚，因为有一位朋友不再出现了，所以就掀起了一片讨论。“他又不来了吗？”“又是为了什么？”“是谁的错？”“我们不是好好的吗？”“是几时开始的？”“你不是跟他最好的吗?”“惨了！他是要绝交了吗？”“不会吧，他跟我们绝交就没有朋友了耶。”

说真的，听了还蛮刺耳的。我也只能回答“我不知道”。

人是感情动物，这个世界，是现实的。大家都会为五斗米折腰，大家都会有情绪。但是我学到的是，我尽可能不把情绪带到朋友聚集桌面上。有些朋友是可以把肩膀让你靠，有些是陪伴你玩乐，有些是很好的聆听者，有些会给很好的意见。。。而自己，应该是比较不够坚强的哪一方面。缘分吧！我的朋友，都比我坚强得多了！

我觉得幸庆，至少现在，我有开心时，不开心时，绝望时，想发牢骚时，我想说出来，会有人，genuinely listen, non-judgemental, just to be there, then forget about it, just like how i wanted it to be。虽不知未来是怎样，物是人非，我现在，是有朋友的。不会绝交就没有朋友的。原来deep down,我会怕是那个被拿出来讨论的啊。

所以，昨天我爆发了。我突然“大大声”冲着另一位正兴高采烈的讨论的“老朋友”说：“如果你不care也就算了，拿出来讲是没意思的。有必要吗？因为在座没有人会为此去做任何事情而改变（包括我）！”说到这我估计我已眼球布满血丝，青根块爆发了。大家愣了。

这位突然被攻击的“老朋友”备受委屈，忙着解释这不是他的意思。但是我也固执的摆着臭脸，不愿道歉。我也知道他是无辜的，他受到的委屈可不只这些，想发泄一下不满，撮合讨论讨论就被骂。对不起咯。

只是，大家都是朋友。现在是不像以前了，曾经要好过，现在不再了，不该保留一些情面，respect吗？是的。那位不再出现的“老朋友”有他自己的问题，情绪，烦恼，怨恨，发泄的不妥当，就迎来大家的纷纷议论。我没参与，不是因为我认同她的做法，而是我觉得他有他的原因，理由，方式，不需要解释，只要他现在做他想要的事情，就好了。我是没办法成为他的肩膀了，我一向就不会照顾人。

所以，就这样。after这尴尬的局面，我们换到另一家mamak去喝茶了。我不晓得我的脸还有没有那么臭，但是我们是没再讨论这话题了。我们又继续哈啦了许久。不晓得如何开始，哈啦到eurotrip 和投资种种。明年将会有另两位“老朋友”在欧洲工作。虽然开始是我心底想去找朋友，但是话题打开了，就几位“老朋友”同意挪出各两千给其中一位精于投资的“老朋友”，作为eurotrip的基金。日期定为2013年。这一讨论来，就在mamak待到近两点半凌晨。

回到家，我觉得有点不可思议。eurotrip基金？应该明天一早起来就当笑话来看吧。但是，我笑了，不是因为可笑，而是它让我联想到童真，小孩子们不就喜欢说，“我们以后要成为永远的朋友，我们以后要一起去玩，我们以后会怎样怎样。。。的吗？”

虽然2013年不是以后，但是我们也不是小朋友了，生活有太多太多的变化，这不是一笔小数目，也不是三天两夜旅游。两年后，我们还是朋友吗？我们真得那么想和“老朋友”一起去backpack吗？我可能不会enjoy 哦。哈哈。

但是这是一个难得可贵的想法。老实说，如果真的2013年到了，有“老朋友”实现这想法，就太好了。 成吗？ :)

this is from jean. it made me chuckle.

Now these years locked on my drawer
I'll open to see just to be sure

I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

before this turn into my outlet of misery. i have to stop. and yes. i can't sleep. during the nights. and it's turning into a vicious cycle. i zombie-ed through the day. and i bore myself.

too many thoughts. mostly rubbish. and it's time to clean up. put a simple task in front, and execute it. start from zero. like a baby. you can do it. you must.

so. i guess now i have a new resolution every weekend, will tell myself to have a good rest before i start every monday. turns tuesday and i am no where near the start. then wednesday i spend half the day dozing off and another half making excuses why i couldn't execute the plan. Thursday i mope about and starting to moan the weekdays lost (totally insane). Friday i make a new resolution again.

this is so NOT going to happen again! i will NOT allow it! i will be efficient from now on. no more moping about. and no more useless browsing and online window-shopping that are oh-so-addictive. no more! no more!

so before i try to get some sleep before midnight, i have to flush this out of my system. had an idea to get a cheongsam for this coming CNY. and fell in love with this cheongsam on etsy. too bad it's too small on me. i will not be obsessed and lose sleep over this again. bye bye luv! goodnight!

Kajang town was flooded last friday. it was kinda hilarious to me. mainly because i was not affected. sorry. i laugh at the most insensitive points now.

and my laptop's dying. so. i can't be that happy anyways.

bumped into a long-lost-used-to-be-close secondary mate in the Mines on saturday. stood at the entrance of a clothing store, standing, catching-up. not much on my side. his wedding dinner would be held next year. trying to be funny i said i might not be attending. might be busy. more like mentally absent.

random stuffs. mom bought loads of durian. was eating them constantly until i have dysentery. eh-no-la. drama.

and also. this song is quite nice. something to look forward to picking up the guitar.

the last month of a year. has anyone done a quick summary of 2011? has anyone started to feel... old yet?