10/31/2011 09:58:00 PM / Posted by Meanniee / comments (1)

i love listening to his voice. the voice that soothes the ripples. and because he sings so sadly, everything else seems tolerable.

a close friend just broke the news that she's married. for life. for now. :P they have plans. they see a same future together. walking towards it. hand in hand. they truly complement each other. the good, the bad, down to the last annoying bits. hahaha. and i hope that that same love, caring, understanding and compromise will last forever. or until either one of them time-out. :)

quite a bit of changes happening around me. friends changing job, position and even life responsibilities. moving on. moving up. somehow made me reflect abit on myself. where now i choose to have a break. where do you put a definition on a break without a plan? "pure stupidity"? likely... or maybe "long vacation"? i loved that japanese series. inspired me to learn japanese for 2 semesters. i think i was secretly planning to seludup into japan and meet my kimura takuya. or yutaka takenouchi.... either one. :)

where did that passion go? a headless force of desire to want something so badly enough to do something about it. albeit so short-lived. or does passion dies? like a candle that flickers so briefly, with a pinch, leaves you in darkness. as does lust, interest and people. everything has an expiry date. if you didn't seize the moment while it's still hot, things turn cold and sour. and then you comfort yourself by saying "thank goodness i didn't waste my time on that!" another missed opportunity. another missed defining moment in your life.

if you know what you want and the situation allows it. go for it. even if it sounds like the biggest joke. many people lost the sense of purpose along the way. and even more doesn't have the liberty to just DO it. and me being here, at this point of my life. taking this selfish break to think things over. is in itself a luxury that many just could not afford.

so what if i am going to fail? fail gloriously. brush off the dust on your knees. wipe off the tears on your cheeks. try to stand up and walk again. and then say to myself "thank goodness i wasted my time on that!"

trouble... trouble... and the song sings...

the week after

10/28/2011 02:37:00 PM / Posted by Meanniee / comments (1)

finally a sunny friday afternoon after almost a whole week of rainy days. i have recovered from the japan trip exhaustion and can already feel my legs up to my last tiny toe. no longer have the excuse of laying down. still, i find no motivation to get out of my bed. mostly doing the eating, reading, watching videos in the same spot. such a bad lifestyle. don't fault me now.

okay. let's get things rolling soon. soon... i mean next week. at least set out a list of things i could do during this indefinite break. start with finishing the game of thrones series. no pressure and totally not helping my future what-so-ever. but since i already bought them i should at least put up a effort to read them. then. the guitar desperately needs strings replacement. the piano needs a i-dunno-how-much service. maybe get a desktop. the phone could wait now. try researching online for my next move. and... maybe. it's a good time to visit sis. at least she will feed me and i could be free from home+nagging+reality for a week or so.

just the other day, niece #1 was knocking on my door, to pass me a copy of the Sunday Star. she said it was from me dad. it's really ironic cause every time i am not working me dad would pass me a copy of Sunday Star newspaper. without a word. apparently they have the most comprehensive classified ads page. we don't communicate that much. but thanks to my brother, i have niece #1 and niece #2 to be the messengers between us. to come to think of it it must be niece#2 who broke the news to dad. cause mom definitely didn't announce that. she was too ashamed to do it.

ps: i still have some mandatory souvenirs to dispose. should probably do it before they expires.



10/13/2011 02:27:00 PM / Posted by Meanniee / comments (1)

i will not deny the delight of having a day off. when time... suddenly seems abundance. reminds me of the school days.

so i went out to have some good old fashion shopping therapy. which now limits to just buying things i need, not want. a dash to Watson and 20 minutes later i've already crossed off half the items on my shopping list.

then I strolled around jaya jusco and stopped by the lingerie section. i have to get a new pair of under garments for the trip. took my own sweet time to try out some in the fitting room. love it when it's weekdays and the sales woman is more interested in gossiping with colleagues than to attend to you. no pressure. but i do have to complain about the over glaring fluorescent lighting, they really do magnify every pores so clearly. everything has sagged about 2 inches since the last time i've dared to admit. *curse gravity*

after a pair of lingerie, 3 t-shirts, a book, an apple pie and a vanilla cone later, i decided to go watch a movie. alone.

thank goodness it's just a weekday afternoon. the cinema is half empty. had a centre seat and strangely at bliss cause there's empty seats beside me. i like my privacy. :) felt like i have the big screen all to myself. and of course. it was a rather funny movie. have to say i enjoyed this solo experience alot. bravo!

then on my way back stopped by a shop to get some beads for sis-in-law. bumped into a high school mate and have to explain to him why am i not working on a weekday... but i felt so good after the excursion and i don't mind telling him at all. yes. i quit. and i have no freak'n idea what i am going to do!

all in all. not a bad day. :)

week one

10/10/2011 12:34:00 PM / Posted by Meanniee / comments (1)

woke up with a bit of sweat today. partly because the sun has shone its way to noon, and because i struggle to find the motivation to get out of bed.

i hope to write more since i have joined the pengangguran army. well. at least once a week. it's a good way to document my road to self destruction. and if anyone is reading this. to remind them that they are doing great in comparison. alas. what a self-less sacrifice for the benefits of others.

a picture to brighten up my first monday without monday blues. i am a pig. afterall.

people in a place

10/06/2011 11:56:00 PM / Posted by Meanniee / comments (1)

i once heard someone said, every city has a story. it's true. every city has a story. i've always remembered a place by the story of it. and the people in the story.

tomorrow is my last day. i guess the story ends there. it's quite a calm and easy story. not much drama. for which i am grateful. i can't handle too extreme emotional rides anyways. they tear me apart. and leave such a deep hole that i could not seem to ever cover up.

then it must be an quick and clean exit then? i wouldn't be lingering around, waiting for someone, unable to let go. this is how it will be. i feel. but...

but... there's something. or rather someone. i've actually made friends here. it's not quantum physics to make friends. but it's near impossible that you actually connect with people at this age. i mean age as in working adults.

more often than not you're being friendly and polite. careful not to come off as arrogant and rude. threading on the thin line of not stepping on people's emotional land mines. it couldn't be more accurate than to say one man's meat is another's poison. what you truly believe is a funny dry humour might just break another person's heart.

even if you meet someone whom you felt like you want to be friends with. someone who is cool and smart. might be someone who is actually THAT cool and smart but just way too genuinely kind and soft hearted that you would feel horribly sick when some evil thought crosses your mind.

or someone whom you thought are friendly and open minded but when you cracked a thoughtless joke that someone is the first to turn their heads around and "unfriend" you.

or that someone who just care too much that you felt prickly uneasy. or that someone whom you know you would never find anything to talk with but you still need to strike up a conversation just because you couldn't stand awkward silences.

all that aside. how many new friends you've made that you can truly enjoy hanging out with? being 200% of your true mean self. swearing and cursing away while they ignore you. but just being there like a sponge blob, absorbing all your negative complains and cleanse your ugly soul for a minute?

how many new friends you've made that you can have endless nonsense to banter around?
talk about movies, celebrities, fashion, life, death, porn... every single silly topic off your head. without having to filter so that you wouldn't hurt their feelings. not that you don't care about their feelings. more like you know... you know they understand you. and get you. and you get them all the same. without explanation. without reason.

laughter through good and bad times. the presence of that bond is enough to just make you feel safe. that no matter how bad the day is. everything is going to be alright. if you're still so obsessed with it, they will smack you so hard in your head, and tell you to be bersyukur. cause steve jobs just died. and you're alive. right now.

quelque chose me manque... someone taught me that. i will always feel that way. but i know it's something beautiful that i've created behind. something good that is worthwhile... to miss...