i love listening to his voice. the voice that soothes the ripples. and because he sings so sadly, everything else seems tolerable.
finally a sunny friday afternoon after almost a whole week of rainy days. i have recovered from the japan trip exhaustion and can already feel my legs up to my last tiny toe. no longer have the excuse of laying down. still, i find no motivation to get out of my bed. mostly doing the eating, reading, watching videos in the same spot. such a bad lifestyle. don't fault me now.
i will not deny the delight of having a day off. when time... suddenly seems abundance. reminds me of the school days.
woke up with a bit of sweat today. partly because the sun has shone its way to noon, and because i struggle to find the motivation to get out of bed.
i once heard someone said, every city has a story. it's true. every city has a story. i've always remembered a place by the story of it. and the people in the story.
tomorrow is my last day. i guess the story ends there. it's quite a calm and easy story. not much drama. for which i am grateful. i can't handle too extreme emotional rides anyways. they tear me apart. and leave such a deep hole that i could not seem to ever cover up.
then it must be an quick and clean exit then? i wouldn't be lingering around, waiting for someone, unable to let go. this is how it will be. i feel. but...
but... there's something. or rather someone. i've actually made friends here. it's not quantum physics to make friends. but it's near impossible that you actually connect with people at this age. i mean age as in working adults.
more often than not you're being friendly and polite. careful not to come off as arrogant and rude. threading on the thin line of not stepping on people's emotional land mines. it couldn't be more accurate than to say one man's meat is another's poison. what you truly believe is a funny dry humour might just break another person's heart.
even if you meet someone whom you felt like you want to be friends with. someone who is cool and smart. might be someone who is actually THAT cool and smart but just way too genuinely kind and soft hearted that you would feel horribly sick when some evil thought crosses your mind.
or someone whom you thought are friendly and open minded but when you cracked a thoughtless joke that someone is the first to turn their heads around and "unfriend" you.
or that someone who just care too much that you felt prickly uneasy. or that someone whom you know you would never find anything to talk with but you still need to strike up a conversation just because you couldn't stand awkward silences.
all that aside. how many new friends you've made that you can truly enjoy hanging out with? being 200% of your true mean self. swearing and cursing away while they ignore you. but just being there like a sponge blob, absorbing all your negative complains and cleanse your ugly soul for a minute?
how many new friends you've made that you can have endless nonsense to banter around?
talk about movies, celebrities, fashion, life, death, porn... every single silly topic off your head. without having to filter so that you wouldn't hurt their feelings. not that you don't care about their feelings. more like you know... you know they understand you. and get you. and you get them all the same. without explanation. without reason.
laughter through good and bad times. the presence of that bond is enough to just make you feel safe. that no matter how bad the day is. everything is going to be alright. if you're still so obsessed with it, they will smack you so hard in your head, and tell you to be bersyukur. cause steve jobs just died. and you're alive. right now.
quelque chose me manque... someone taught me that. i will always feel that way. but i know it's something beautiful that i've created behind. something good that is worthwhile... to miss...