it's been almost a week starting at the new place. and my mind is a million miles away.
the people in the company is young, energetic, positive and fun. but i am not.
they asked me if i want to join them for lunch, if i want to go broga hills/waterfall picnic/yum cha with them. i said no.
they would be the most ideal colleagues, kind, friendly, enthusiastic. this would be "ideal", but now all i can feel is... bitter.
just yesterday, the team lead called me to have a "talk". to my surprise, it's not a talk about work... he basically wanted to know about EVERYTHING. what i eat for lunch, why i don't mingle with the people, why i look like a dead cow, why i am so quiet despite being a gemini (he asked about my horoscope), what's bothering me, am i married, do i have a boyfriend, and why i don't have a boyfriend, if i have a religion, if i have friends, are my friends real, do i have family problems....
i don't know if this is how the "creative" field people communicate but ... yes... i don't talk about my personal feelings and worries to a colleague that i have known for 5 days.
but when i persisted that i am having some adapting issues and i preferred not to tell him. he replied " so sien!"
then he continued to grill me more.... i would reply in dead one sentences, he would think of another way to dig for more.
it was awkward. he thinks that i am depressed and suicidal, and it would greatly jeopardise the team and he wants to help. he is half right.
today he talk to me during lunch about the teachings of Buddhism and Confucius. at the meantime trying to figure that are the "issues" that i am concealing from him. and he concluded that he knows my problem. he said and i quote "you need a boyfriend".
it is a very amusing situation.
then seeing he is so genuinely interested. i told him that i am concerned about financial security and i am torn if i really have the heart to pursue this. this conversation took place on the pantry table with 3 more other "audience".
well, that silenced him for 5 minutes. then we continue to talk about funerals, insurance, and food.
this is a very close-knit company. and i am the stranger standing in it, looking out.
1 comments:
you, i miss you. he, was caring, i hope he's good looking too.
try not thinking about those things too much, like how you used to. it was fun right? :)
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