today i skipped class and went back straight after lunch. and yes i am exhausted but most of all... frustrated.

i went back. took a shower. and attempted to sleep. it was a hot afternoon and i felt even more suffocated. the truth is, i am overwhelmed with the class, with the progress, or rather the lack of progress that i am facing.

maybe i am pushing myself too much. take a step back, relax, breath. but i did that. i went out for Battleship last weekend, met with friends @ mamak, fetch mom from the airport, went for dinner with relatives, had strawberry sundaes and watched a foreign film on the internet.

then i have a major Monday blue.

at the back of my mind, i am just thinking about my class. i had a rather smooth start, i was prepared mentally and with commendable enthusiasm, i try to complete each assignment. then half way through the course ( 1 month in and 1 month left), i was stripped of all motivation and energy. i couldn't focus on doing one task at a time. everything seems so difficult to comprehend. i started to hate MAYA and to be precise, i hate TEXTURING and SHADERS!!!

now i sound like an immature bitch. there's loads more lesson bumps that i will have to overcome in these coming weeks. it's only texturing this week, what about next week? and all these look even more hopeless under the lack-of guidance of our dear teacher.

 i feel like i am struggling to stay above the water for that pitiful gulp of air, and the waves of the sea are swallowing me down. i hate to sound so dramatic. i should probably erase this entire post and start from a more positive angle.

at times, I'd hope i have loads of comfort food within my arm's reach, or I'd wish for more time, or maybe just born with pure talent that doesn't require any hard work on my part... but today, i would only hope... for help.

the right kind of guidance, preferably spoon-feeding. god knows, i am hanging by a thread here, i feel prehistoric, as if my brain has been stoned and placed in my head just for show. and i have no idea how to start anew.

do i sound frustrated? or sad? i am not entirely sure. but i do know i am very, very, very dissatisfied with our dear teacher.